Breaking News -Trump Demands Pentagon Line July 4th Parade Route With 30,000 “GI Joe” Action Figures

“These classic toy soldiers will teach Americans about their president’s great backyard fighting days in Queens.

Fearing a lack of participation by military families and patriot groups for his “reality TV” hijacking of the 4th of July parade in Washington, Donald Trump has instructed the Pentagon to line the route with 30,000 “GI Joe” toy action figures to enhance the crowd size. Trump is forbidding black or brown or yellow GI Joes from appearing in his parade, “because it’s not what my base wants to see.”
 The president has also told his affiliated TV network, FOX News, to shoot the toy soldiers from a low vantage point “so they look really strong, life-sized and intimidating.”

The Fuhrer, er I mean President; has been wanting a yuge military parade to inflate his ego and waste taxpayer dollars, since stealing er, I mean taking the office, but has been thwarted in past efforts to recreate the kind of weapons-heavy displays like “my BFF Vladimir puts on in Moscow.”

 A scaled-down version of a Banana Republic-style military parade was approved by the Pentagon this year, but no tanks will be allowed to roll on the streets of the nation’s capital as the president demanded, since the weight of the vehicles would crush the road surface. Active-duty troops won’t be attending the president’s sham parade because they have better things to do, like defending the country. Trump plans on privatizing the military entirely and  Hasbro has successfully secured contracts to outsource the defense of the nation to it's GI Joe line.

 Regarding the action figures placed along the parade route, the president tweeted: “These classic toy soldiers, will remind Americans of their president’s great backyard fighting days in Queens. I won quite a few battles in my day against Lil' Tommy Labreza and Cryin' John O’Reilly. Big victories for this German kid over those Woppers and the Mickeys...”

Trump, sounding like a spoiled six-year-old on Tuesday in the Oval Office, added “I’m going to say a few words...I have the best words... and we’re going to have planes going overhead, the best planes... and other stuff too..."n" we’re gonna have some bigly tanks ...sieg heil!.”

For those thinking about attending Trump’s sham parade over the holiday weekend,
it is recommended that you stay at home, as most all of the event will be concocted in post-production at FOX News & recycled for use as a dark money campaign commercial.


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